Hoyle goes to India – Day 11 – Wednesday – Walking to Mapusa, Hell-bus to Hampi

Yep, it is hot. But this world is built on a very different scale. I got thirsty so I stopped at one of a thousand open air places offering food and beverages. 25 for a bottle of Bisleri, one of the bigger brands I have seen. 40 is the beach price I guess. The young boy bussing tables deferred to the mid 20’s guy, presumably because his english is better

I have said no to at least 30 taxis, motorbikes and tuk tuks. Those being much more rare here than in Bangalore

It is not so bad in the shade , so stopping to rest is good.

The 5s are coins. I will save that one.

The next place was tiny, just two old plastic chairs and a tiny room with no door, but the price was 20. The man spoke a little english and knew when my bus was coming. I passed a little place with buena vista social club playing. It seemed appropriate.

Next a big hill with a school on top. All downhill from here as they say. The owner of the guest house honked as he rode by and I waved. The sign says I have walked 37km

Made it to Mapusa. It is hectic here. I found a few guys who were wearing actual shoes and asked them for the best restaurant. Satyaheera they said and then “Big building” and pointed. Hotel Satyaheera stands proudly over the central square with a big green sign. The guard put me on the elevator to the 5th floor. It claims to have ac, but that term seems vague here . Chicken biryani and bottled water on the way. Bus in 1 hour. I walked a LONG way. I am soaking wet so the “ac” and fans are working. I found power, I am down to 20% though I do have a spare battery. Google maps plus photos along the way ate some of it.

The bus was pretty much on time. It took us a while to board and I milled around with the other folks all of us aiming to confirm our destination. I am in 17 which is near the back and up top. Both of these were mistakes. This side has only a single width bunk, while the other side is doubles. The aisle is quite small and I was unable to turn around while wearing my bag.

I met a couple of cute Australian girls in the next bunk over. They have been volunteering to sell water filters to rural villages near Bangalore. They told a story about how hard it was to ditch a couple of punjabi guys who had helped them after a scooter crash. We chatted for a few and I found my charger. Unfortunately my power outlet doesn’t work but I have my battery so I am using that to charge and type this.

There is plenty of room while lying down, but not otherwise. The bus is not designed for chatting up cute Australian girls. There is a metal shelf at my feet and my bag fits ok, along with the water bottle I paid 20 for from a kid before boarding. The ac is not great but the wind is nice and is working to cool my sweat. There is a firm pillow covered in plastic. I left my shoes at the bottom before climbing up the ladder which left just enough room for one foot at a time.

Right now we are at a very welcome stop in panjim. Welcome, because riding sideways and backwards was not working for my motion sickness. Again, lack of headroom, lack of really any room, and the motion all conspire against my having a much-needed conversation. There is one more stop before we head east. I can see out a little window by my shoulder, and at least when I do so I can look forward. I’m not sure how much sleep I will get but I slept a ton yesterday and probably will be ok even if I don’t.

I think I forgot to talk about this afternoon, so I will jump back. I met a nice guy on the beach who didn’t try to sell me anything, which was quite refreshing. He was on vacation in Goa from New Delhi and he confirmed that I had been overcharged for basically everything. He was paying 300 a night for a hostel and 250 for a scooter. I am glad to have had my own room and bathroom, as sick as I was, but it is good to know exactly how much I overpaid. Next time he says, get an indian to cut a deal for me. Lesson learned. Anyway he and I hung out a few hours under umbrellas, frequently shooing away various vendors. A dog slept under my padded chair, in a divot of sand. I don’t know what they find to drink.

I have a hot spot on my toe but otherwise I am no worse for wear after the long walk. I don’t feel any sunburn but I haven’t seen a mirror all day. I imagine I am filthy and stinky but I am just glad to be moving. I wish there were wifi though. I got a Jio SIM from one of my guys in Bangalore but it hasn’t worked for me yet. I may give it another try.

We are moving again, time to stop typing and look out the window to avoid getting sick

Just saw a sign that said “stop for hecking”.

Looking out the window works. Looking at my phone does not. I regret not peeing. Maybe in Margao. I don’t see where a bathroom could fit on this bus.

I had to make the bus stop. Maslow is a bitch. I think I peed both my kidneys right out on the side of the road. You would think that on an overnight sleeper bus there would be some sort of bathroom, but no such luck. Lesson learned: bring an empty bottle. Also, three cheers for being male, sorry ladies. Seriously though, no toilet? That is the word here, btw same as in London. No one needs a room just for resting. Other things I am thankful for: taking another immodium as a proactive measure. Also for not stepping on a broken bottle as I ran into the woods in garbagetown India, between wherever and someplace else. I am still shaking I had to pee so bad.

I am no longer hawk-focused on the google map on my phone. I figured I could make it to the Margao bus terminal but we passed it, and then out of Margao entirely. The bits by the road looked pretty rough. There was an outdoor meeting with a speaker and about 150 attendees, many in the abundant plastic chair. They are basically what we use as lawn or pool furniture, but probably a little sturdier, from before China figured out Walmart didn’t care about quality in the slightest bit. I am guessing it was political, the meeting I mean, not the decision to foist injection molded garbage on the American public.

Are tires supposed to squeal on a bus? Asking for a friend. Totally unrelated item: Remember I am in 17 in case you need to ID my corpse. The Australians are giggling. I might join them. It is either that or whimper and that’s unseemly. I hope he’s not trying to make up for the minute I spent peeing, I don’t need that blood on my hands.

No cell service here, and obviously no wifi because that is like twelfth in the list after bathroom, not hurtling off a cliff, and some other stuff. I am struggling to keep the usb cable in the battery. “At least you’ll feel secure” said the cute Australian about my small bunk. That adjective has left my vocabulary.

Fortunately as I was able to deal with my most groinally pressing need I suddenly find that I have become immune to car sickness. Or maybe I still get car sick but my body is convinced I am on some kind of carnival ride and I longer get THAT-sickness. Maybe adrenaline dampens motion sickness. Someone should science that. Pretty sure I am ready to wrestle a bear on the amygdala explosion scale.

On the plus side, we should be in hampi in 6 or 7 minutes assuming we don’t accidentally reach orbit.

We are almost in Palolem, which continues our southward journey before turning east. It seems like it might be the long way, but who am I to tell a professional which way to terrifyingly hurtle. 60% of those taking the fast way probably get eaten by tigers. Future reference: bottom bunk and book both seats on the double.

Some random dude looked into my bunk, I bet he was looking for a bathroom. Or a priest.

I hereby declare this a lying down bus, anyone who can sleep through this needs their head examined.

We stoped to take on more passengers. I feel like I should warn them. They are french I think. This bus is almost entirely white people. I have yet to meet another American. I’m sure there have been other foreigners, but I can pick out European languages pretty easily, not so much Asian ones.

I have prickly seeds stuck to my shorts from my pee break. I would concern myself with bringing a potentially invasive species to hampi, but they will probably burn up in the bus fire anyway, and if they survive that, good on em.

I stashed my battery in my bag with the 3 meter cord coming out. That way I can focus on not chucking my phone with one hand and white knuckle the railing with the other. We are moving again. Last time it took us a while to get up to speed, I think he was lulling us into a false sense of not-dying. Let’s see if he pulls the same trick on the newbies.

As you can probably tell I use humor to distract myself in stressful situations, so you’re getting a long update this time. You know how they say this kind of thing builds character? Right, you can skip this one. Also the vomiting one.

When I walked by the guest house on the way out of town a laborer asked me the time. After I sent my message I walked back past him and noticed he had a string set to guide each course of the rectangular lava rock that makes up so many buildings. I’m not sure he knew what the line was for, since the fledgling wall got nearly twice as thick along its course, with a big gap between the two courses of stone. I think maybe he also made this road. I wonder if there is even a Goan word for “straight”

New idea for India: I bet in ten minutes I could get $500 from the passengers on the bus to have this trip take an hour longer. I might cover 497 or 498.

You are my company tonight, and I find I can’t edit easily so this will either be posted without or later when I have a chance on solid ground. It is pretty much impossible to select the right spot in prior text due to the gee forces. Plus that seems more problematic with the motion sickness. Maybe I’m losing my adrenaline buzz. They only last so long, and then you get eaten by the bear.

Trying to lie on my side, but my knees hit the railing. I do have another pillow (two actually, a flat one and a neck one. I will break those out if I think it will help and that I can keep them in the bunk.

Ok wrong side, need to see out the window still.

Nope side doesn’t work at all. Need the widest possible base to prevent sliding around or rolling off the 5 foot drop to the floor.

Closing my ac vents , starting to actually get chilled. No blanket, that would be number 9 on the list, if you’re counting. I have lots of clothing choices if I need them including a not-very-Goan jacket. I won’t need that.

Seriously are you still reading this?

Oh man, we just got pulled over. I didn’t think that was a thing. I am going to get a “fine” ready in case they take a collection

Oh we are passing into Karnataka and there was a checkpoint I guess. So yeah, still no traffic cops, I guess.

Someone farted. Bad.

Or maybe it was a “welcome to Karnataka” garbage fire. whatever it is I wish it would clear out. Opening my vents. There is one above my head and another my knees. In between is the non-universal and non-functional power outlet. There is also a light which works (just checked). Pretty much everything here is LED. I think the streetlights are a single fluorescent tube mounted vertically but at an angle , like the under side of the part of a bendy straw that you drink from.

This street doesn’t seem to have many lights. They should put reflectors on the cows. Even a big one would probably only make it to bunk 10 or so before turning to hamburger, so I am safe. That’s how this works, right? I see why everyone says to take the train

Still going south. There is actually a tiger preserve to the east, so I might not have been entirely lying before.

Hot spot on my outer left heel too. Toe is right uhh index toe? Noting for future reference, and to punish you for continuing to read my ramblings. There are like 6 or 8 more hours of this ride. Get out now or hope I fall asleep somehow.

We just stopped for no apparent reason. Still no sign of an official toilet break. I have no clue what women are expected to do. Bring a bucket? My window doesn’t open or I would just pee right out of it.

When we corner my curtain goes to the other side of the aisle sometimes. I would tuck it in but I like having a roll indicator for now.

The bus has a driver plus another guy. Maybe he is the replacement in case of tiger attack. If he’s more careful I will start rooting for the tiger. I’m practicing: “Sorry your friend got eaten by a tiger, after I pee again can you still get us to hampi? Slowly?”

Random stop for the driver to pee I think so I joined him for good measure. 4 hours with no official stops, I am damn glad I asked the first time and was spry this time. I drank a bunch to rehydrate after the 8 mile walk in the sun, so sue me. Seriously bring a bottle.

This country would do so much better with just a LITTLE more work. Coordinating pee breaks with actual toilets would be good. Or even “no bathroom, here’s an empty bottle” would be angood improvement.

I’m just going to put “we crashed and I died” at the bottom of this to save time, then write stuff in front of it.

There is a lot of overnight excavation work being done in the hills. Hopefully they are straightening the road. We are behind a semi now, which will serve as early warning to the driver when we are about to go into free fall. Did I mention we’re all gonna die in a firey crash?

We added another passenger in Algeri, which seems to just be a crossroads of garbage and heavy equipment. If empty water bottles suddenly become valuable, this country will be unstoppable. Meanwhile it is mostly garbage piles. I don’t recall seeing a garbage can since Bangalore, and I think those were for show. A bottle deposit with no limit for prior manufacture would turn millions of tent dwellers into garbage farmers. Of course there are other types, but plastic bottles are the most frequently seen.

23:30 now, I left at 19:00.

We did finally turn east.

Barf bags. Barf bags and pee bottles. Come on, India I am not asking for much.

I wish I qere kidding about the hurtling part. You know the sound a bus makes when it has reached the top end of its gearing and absolutely cannot go any faster? I do

Whoa we stopped at a place. I bought 3 packaged snacks for 35. A guy in a reflective vest is yelling something in an unknown language and blowing a whistle. No one is paying attention to him.

We are at hotel aditya shree if you want to follow along with the home game. Everyone is smoking, hard to blame them

Talked to a guy from the uk, he is going to Kerala.

Assured jos via text that the reports of my death have been slightly exaggerated.

The ac is off, it is heating up fast. Bushy beard guy was on point and got them to turn it back on. At least we won’t die of heat stroke prior to the fiery death.

It is 00:18. I think we were stopped for 15 or so. I walked to the toilets again for good measure, but didn’t wash my hands. I saw the hand dug well outside and I’m pretty sure I am cleaner than anything there. I have wet wipes which I can hopefully retrieve without knocking myself unconscious. Or if I do hopefully it lasts till hampi. Just kidding I know that is really bad for you, from watching Archer.

I definitely need to write a novel now, because this journal is super long, and if it ends up being the most significant writing work of my life I ammight in big ttrouble.

For a few li.es I will experiment with not correcting my syupid keyboard. It dors phenomenally stupid things like words that start eith a become ammight or ait or athe. I actually typed those that time. Future reference, if you see athe word that starts with a and nakes no sense I probably just meant a.

Major fartage again. (Wasn’t me) Really, you can stop reading now.

The front cabin is has a door, so I can’t smell the chain smoking driver. Whatever cools his nerves.

First snack is 50 50 Maksa Chaksa. So naturally that means half Maksa and half Chaksa. I think it is a cracker.

I feel ripped off. That was definitely only 40% Maksa. As I ate crackers (100% crunchy) and thought about that joke, I realized I am linguistically biased against Chaksa. Someone should science that too.

This bus has a good engine I guess. We are passing trucks left and right. Well, right, because that’s how it works here. I have no idea whether we are basically just driving on the wrong side of the road most of the time. 90% chance of Chaksa.

I figure the tigers don’t know there is a boundary on the tiger reserve, on account of tigers can’t read. It definitely looks like tiger country out the window. I can say this as a tigerologist which I’m not, or tigernomnomee which I hopenot, if the bus crashes. If a tiger eats me don’t let them shoot the tiger because I probably taste really salty and Maksa-y right now, and who could blame them, really?

We are climbing out of the river valley through Hulagan, a place so small it isn’t even on the road. Good thing too perhaps, you don’t want Hulaganism spreading too much.

Seriously folks, I’m here all night, you don’t have to read this.

235. I slept some. I have no idea how. It is freezing in here. It turns out than in addition to the two vents, which I closed, is a speaker which shares a plenum and has unhappily come unattached. I am under my jacket, with my raincoat over my legs. If I get any colder I will have to change pants. Outside hubbali, the end of the hampi express train line which I will take to Bangalore.

255 Someone is smoking. If we crash I hope they die first, but slowly and painful enough that their screams lead me out of the burning wreckage. I think I need pants, it is really cold. I actually put on the jacket. Can’t see out the windows, fogged up on the outside. See:freezing cold inside

415. Gadag. Huge statues of people i can’t make out. Ac shut off and it woke me. I didn’t realize how loud it was. Jacket off, 2 mins later ac on again. . Ugh. Jacket on.

The big dipper is upside down!

Snack #2 salted peanuts. 0% Maksa.

Let’s talk about speed bumps in the middle of the highway. Ok, I’m done.

Massive shooting star. Double burn then a bang at the end like a firework.

Coming into another small town. One thing i haven’t brought up yet is the water tanks on most roofs. I think the only windows in this town separate me from it. People seem to be awake at all hours everywhere. Driver got coffee I think. Bus moving, ac off.

I keep seeing statues of a guy pointing forward. Probably the same guy.

A little kid on the bus is coughing as we drive by a small garbage fire. Probably unrelated.

Less than a hour left.

A smoky mess of a Dickensian nightmare looms out of the darkness. I’m not sure if it is a power plant or some kind of factory

One thing they have right here is they let big trees be big trees.

I’ll have to ask about the ones that look like depressed spruces with all their branches folded down like a mopey girl in a prom dress.

We stopped in hosapete and there is a line for the toilet charging 10 rupees. Now I understand why they didn’t take the bypass road. Chai tea coffee toilet kickback to bus driver. Pretty sure we would be there by now otherwise. If I miss sunrise because of this i will be unhappy.

Ac wind tunnel is back on, and i just put my coat away.

Day is breaking.

Out here it is not the last 10% that is missing, it is the last 90 %. So much is smashed, burned, broken. People take some care of their tiny corner but all shared space is a disaster. Infrastructure is nonexistent outside of power, lights and what passes for roads. At times I can’t tell what is a house, a workshop, a pile of rubble.

Just saw a couple of ox carts

Anjuna has an injection of international tourist and expat dollars propping up the economy, but here there is dirt and stone.

Just saw monkeys on a roof

Getting close now.