I spent a lot of time on the fish tanks today. I’ve named one of them Baitfish. By the time I saw he was in trouble he had a big chunk missing from his belly. He lives in the bathroom now. On the plus side, for him anyway, he gets hand fed. He now associates me with food so he doesn’t hide from me. The automatic feeders are costing me valuable bonding time with my fish.
The software put too many people in the back of the plane and the pilot had to move them. Apparently the weight balance matters. This is a 737-800. Not a Max 8, the ones that have been crashing lately. I forget if these were the carbon fiber ones I saw at the Boeing factory tour. They had a cutaway of the outer skin. The window holes were larger, and though the plane was longer than the last model it got better fuel economy by like 25% (? don’t quote me?).
Someone took their shoes off. It smells terrible. Folks, if your shoes make me gag from an indeterminate number of rows away, you need an interventshoe.
I’m flying to Paducah, because my friends decided to move to Paducah, and I like them, and when they asked me to come visit I didn’t expect to pay 600 damn dollars for an airplane ticket. Not a ticket, two tickets… or four if you count getting back to not-Paducah, since I first have to fly to Chicago (and laterly, after, the aforementioned Paducah). I could have flown to Europe for this price, possibly twice, if I were to agree to fly with less than 37 grams of clothing and/or possessions, and help serve drinks.
It’s a bit rough going up. There is a family with kids flying for the first time. They’re whooping like they’re on a roller coaster. It’s endearing because it’s daytime and I’m not trying to sleep.
But yeah… I like them (the Paducans, not the kids), and they promised board games and craft beer, and I’m not a complicated man. So, Paducah.
I can work from anywhere, so it makes sense to do so while I am able. I’ve got a laptop and a second screen as well, so I’ve been able to be productive, like when I visited Seattle. I enjoyed seeing several friends and making some new ones. Ceila is in a really nice place with a guest room, which includes a desk, so it was great to work there. I started at 6 and was done in the late afternoon after which I took a nap and shower and it felt like a new day. I could get used to PST.
I think that lake is frozen. We’re pretty high, and it’s hazy so maybe it was a reflection.
One thing about planes, as they’ve gotten better they can pressurize the cabin better. These new materials make everything stronger and lighter, a good combination when you want something to fly.
Really it’s just two bags of fuel here, with a tube full of people between them. Later in the flight, not so much. I wonder if they have baffles.
I really enjoy not being connected to the internet, since it helps me sit here with myself and the 21st century version of a cuneiform chisel. I bet you’d think a lot on what you were about to write if you had to chisel it.
It’s like two blah blah hours to Chicago, but then I have less than an hour to get off this stagecoach and on to the next one. Because Paducah. That’s in O’Hare, which is an airport I generally have avoided. I have flown there from Midway, in Microsoft Flight Simulator for the Apple ii, so I’m pretty familiar with it. I had a joystick and everything. A good one, like a fighter jet, later, but our first apple one was pretty basic. Basically a box like a squished rubix cube. Did I spell that right? Was there a Mr rubicks? Rubix? I’ll never know, because I don’t have an internet connection.
I’ll probably know. Because I will Google it when we’re taxying. (Taxiing?) I turn my data back on as soon as I feel like we’ve slowed down enough that I feel like I would survive the plane crash. Is it actually a plane crash if you are on the ground when you, you know, crash?
United’s uniforms for male attendants are quite sharp. Epulets and a matching striped tie. The bearded ginger man looks handsome in it. Shirts that fit are key, people-who-wear-shirts.
The seats are quite comfortable, relatively speaking. Free pretzel sticks and water for me, though, not buying dinner. I had a Turkey Rachel from Two Roads.
Ah shit, I spilled my drink on my tray and into my lap. Thanks to past-me, I had a paper towel in my “underseat backpack” so I was able to absorb most of it from the pleather seats under my ass. Which is soaked. My ass, I mean. Is soaked. Crotch/ass area, generally. Liberally. Fortunately I am wearing the best pants. And underpants. Or just “pants” to you British dialect folks. Regardless both pants and pants are damp. But it’s just water. And 17 months of other people’s ass sweat and baby pee. It’s probably fine. I can’t lick my own ass anyway so I’m pretty sure I’ll survive. yay, skin!
If you’ve made it this far I’d like you to take a moment to say “thank you” to your skin, for steadfastly protecting your ability to be a functional organism, distinct from the abyss of the Destroyer. Which sounds pretty awesome, but is probably just fungus and worms.
I hate it when people cough in planes. If you have a cough you should get a free mask. It should drop from the ceiling with the oxygen. Covered in oxygen actually, but mostly Nitrogen. The Natural History museum had an exhibit about infectious disease, and I learned one flight killed like 29 people plus lots of their doctors. I forget which disease it was.
Curing disease is super important. It’s like the most important thing after feeding people.
This guy’s feet really stink. The guy next to me sneezed. I need to stop thinking about plane crashes or pandemics. I’m probably just trying to quell my excitement for my upcomingng O.J. Simpson impersonation (pre double-murder) across O’Hare airport.
I don’t have any idea who O’Hare was. I assume it’s a was, because people usually don’t get airports named after them till they’re dead. It helps avoid controversy when they turn out to be assholes.
Here’s the thing guys, change your damn socks every day. Air out your shoes, use foot powder, spray the shoes like a good assistant manager at the bowling alley (where everyone who isn’t the Manager is an “assistant manager”). You can wrap them in plastic and freeze them, sometimes that works. If not try to bake them in the sun in your car. Or throw them in the wash, without the laces, probably. Or take out the insole and see what died, and make it not be in your shoe.
And not-guys, this could still apply to you but probably not because you wear WAY more shoes than Stinkfoot McGee here.
Is horrible stench considered PII? Will this post be GDPR compliant? I bet a dog could ID that guy. Before he Shoe-demics all over another airplane.
I haven’t opened the pretzel sticks. I don’t have anything to drink them with. Because of the water which is in my pants and not in the tiny top-heavy plastic cup. One demerit for United, #tippycups.
I am thirsty though, despite having two beers at Two Roads, including Igor’s Dream, a Russian Imperial Stout, which I lamentedly chugged as my flight was boarding. There is an open seat between me and sneeze-guy which is nice. The plane in general is mostly not crowded regardless, so I had plenty of time to board and plenty of room for my primary bag, a Red Oxx Sky Train. It’s built like an ox and is a great suitcase and a mediocre backpack.
I haven’t used it since I went to India. It’s strange how for a shorter trip (than Seattle) I’m carrying a bigger bag. It’s because I knew I would wash clothes for a 2 week stint, whereas 6 days is “bring 6 underwear” territory.
I pushed the call button to ask for another water. It was there in like 15 seconds. 300 points United. I drank most of it “I’m mediately” (so claims my autocorrect). Immediately. Jesus. I had to delete like 5 other suggestions. I actually had it spelled correctly, but without the crutch of autocorrect how will I know if I’m blogrificating propondously.
I just made up two words in a row and you can’t stop me.
The kid walked too far on their way back and now they’re excitedly telling their mother a story about what it was like to use an airplane bathroom for the first time. I put my noise cancelling headphones back on. Because of GDPR and probably HIPAA.
I saw a tiger the other day. I am not a tigerologist, but I feel like the zoo put the sign there for a reason.
They hide at the back / top like the male lion did. In the lioness slice of the circular big cat exhibit, the ladies basked in the sun on the bottom “step” by the “river”. Except for one, the upstairs sentry, looking hungrily at a newborn in the crowd on our probably-lion-proof walkway.
The tops of the enclosures have only a short cement wall, unlike the crowd-facing side’s 15 foot moat-based one. The thing is the top of the low wall isn’t far up and there is only a construction style orange barrier fence over it. I assume it’s electrified because the various felines could easily bound the wall, then walk down the top of the wall as it arcs down to the walkway full of newborn babies. I’m not a tigerologist but if there’s a tigernomnomnomee it’s because the power went out on the fence. I should say something about that.
I also should have said something to the dude who made my Turkey Rachel, a turkified Reuben, which actually was pretty good, except for the middle of the meat being fridge cold. Ok Google, remind me to email feedback to two Roads about the coldwich, to tell them it would be way better if it were not-cold in the middle.
When you type voldwich it’s really hard to get it to correct to coldwich, but now both words are saved in my autocorrect, so they exist alongside such as “I’m mediately” which is still the first correction of “I’m media” which also means nothing or everything.
I stashed the pretzel sticks in my bag. Whoever chose the highest bidder didn’t have “packaging appeal” in their rubric. I’m not hungry on account of the Rachel coldwich, which is a two word phrase by which this post will always be googlable.
Vint Cerf meant all web browsers to be web servers. Content equally created and consumed. But his vision has been corrupted for reasons boon and bane. Mostly boon. The fact that my internet is your internet is THE internet is pretty amazing, considering all the stuff that has to go right to make that happen. Trust me, I know.
We’re coming in for a landing soon. I don’t know if I will upload this or not. If I’m implanting (another word autocorrect fought with) this in THE internet for eternity I better get it right. We can only hope, right?
We just crossed the “beach” to fly over lake Michigan. It’s great.
Landing gear going down. OJ (non-stabbing) moves prepared. Putting the chisel down.
-Hoyle